I live a rather wonderful, blessed life. It's not perfect by any means, and though the imperfect elements about myself and my life can be frustrating, it's okay because all in all, life (the big picture) is good.
Adding Carter to our family has been a terrific blessing. It has been testing to get used to all of the changes and new demands for patience and less "me time", but my how my love has grown! I feel wonderfully blessed to be a mom. Today felt like the most normal day since having Carter. I woke up and fed the 17 lb. chunk-a-hunk, made French toast for W and me, got W up, ate, put C down, then sat and played with W like we have done so many times. I mostly watched as W raced (aka softly padded back and forth) in his big dump truck outside. I took cute videos of him which he watched a good 20 times before losing interest. Then we got C up, fed him, got W fed and they both went back down for naps. Wow. Normal! It feels good.
When I think about my boys, two of the people I love most in this world, I naturally hope the absolute best for them. I think of the world they are growing up in, and pray for them to have moral courage to do what is right- no matter the sacrifice. I pray for them to have the moral courage to be protectors of women, defenders of virtue, and beacons of light to those they are around. I pray for them to be good friends to each other and to help one another through good and bad times. I hope they maximize their potential trough keeping covenants with God that add to their liberty and ability to make proactive life choices. I hope they come to feel the cleansing power of the atonement, because I know they'll need it.
There are so many deep desires of my heart. Sometimes I get a little anxious about wondering how they'll turn out. Rich is good to remind me that we do our best to teach them, and that's all we can do, the rest is their ability to choose. He's absolutely right.
A friend shared a talk with me by Sister Patricia Holland. In her talk, she explained many of my feelings and gave me much needed hope. She said, "...it seems that even if our children are not having problems, a nagging uneasiness keeps us wondering how we can keep them off such painful paths. At odd moments we find ourselves thinking, “Am I doing a good job? Are they going to make it? Should I spank them or should I reason with them? Should I control them or should I just ignore them? Reality has a way of making the best of us feel shaky as a parent." (Parenting: Everything to Do with the Heart)
She also shared this insight, "Every child has to practice on his mother, and in a more important way, every mother has to practice on her child. That is God’s way for parent and child to work out their salvation. I mentioned earlier that we all come into the world crying. Considering all the humbling purposes of life, perhaps it is understandable that we will continue to shed a tear or two from time to time. But it helps us to always remember that these are God’s children as well as ours. And above all, it should give us a perfect brightness of hope to know that when we need help we can go through the veil to get it."
I do worry so much about doing it (meaning parenting) right. I care so much about the seemingly small and insignificant details. It brings great comfort to know that I can take those concerns to the Lord and He will hear me out and help me understand with new eyes and a new heart.
I know in parenting I will make mistakes. I am so thankful for the power of forgiveness and the help of the atonement. I am not someone who makes parenting look easy. My flustered state gives me away all too quickly, but in spite of that, I hope people can see my inner desire for goodness, my inner desire to do the best I can for my kids. Like so many others, I am working to do my very best every day.
Elder Russell M. Nelson taught, "...the human race doesn’t run on a smooth track. The route more closely resembles an obstacle course with hurdles, puddles, or snares lurking around every turn we make. Life isn’t meant to be easy. The race isn’t to be won by the swift or the flashy. Victory comes only to those who muster the faith to stay on the track—the strait and narrow way." (Lessons from Eve)
I relate to that quote so very much! I cannot say how grateful I am for my guiding force in my life. He is quick to lead and direct me, always.
