Help through the Atonement

This past week has put my mothering skills to the test. There is so much I feel highly inadequate at. The questions, "am I doing this right?" "Should I do this differently?" are never far from my mind. When William is happy and content I feel a surge of happiness that I am doing things well. When he is upset and fussy all day long, I wonder what on earth I need to be doing but am not. The desperation for answers and directions is nearly palpable during these moments.

One of my character quirks (if it can be called such) is that I pray a lot... It's the one thing I trust even more than my go to girls (aka my sister and mom). I have needed to pray a lot lately; particularly for the help to adequately meet the challenge of being a good mother. William has been so sensitive this week, that I feel my cup of patience being chugged every hour. I have felt myself wondering what else I have left to give him, and somehow I have been blessed to be still enough to hear little answers about me.

While trying to help get William and myself breakfast, I set him down to stand beside me while I hefted the economy size cereal bag up and into our bowls. Immediately he started crying the big "I'm going to have my heart broken in two seconds!" tears. He wedged himself between my legs and the cupboards where I was standing, pleading for me to pick him up. I told him, "buddy, I just need you to be patient with me." Immediately I heard in my mind his reply, "but mommy, don't you see? I need you to be patient with me." Answer number one of the day, check. I decided to change my plans, and just be patient. I can't even tell you if I got dressed or not, but I can tell you I dealt with less crying and more smiles because I gave up everything else I wanted to do to just be patient.

While I wish William would be happy constantly and end this fussing phase so my patience would stop its ebb and flow motion, I am humbly aware of the reality that much of motherhood is learning to ask the right questions which lead to the right answers which in turn strengthen my faith in the reality of our Heavenly Father and Savior. I am learning how deeply the atonement applies to all aspects of my life. I have pure confidence that the atonement is real. Several times this week I have had to stop and ask for the anger, frustration, etc. to be taken from my heart. I have been humbled by the ways I have felt that frustration leave, whether fast or slow. Though I feel my inadequacies outweigh my strengths, I am thankful that the atonement makes up the difference: that it blesses me to see the one good thing about me, and puts to rest my pile of "I'm just not..."

I know Heavenly Father is the greatest go-to for advice on parenting. I know the atonement of Christ is real and applicable to the small and simple inadequacies of my life. I trust that I will be aided to become the best mom I can be, and I know it won't happen over night but over the course of my life. This week I am so humbly grateful for help as I pray for it.