Big Wonders

On our move to Las Vegas, we met our best friends Whittlee and Stewart in Flagstaff, AZ. They are the world's greatest friends! It's not often that you find couple friends where the wives gel, hubbys gel, and hubbys and wives gel; so we consider ourselves incredibly fortunate!

We didn't have a lot of time, but we drove with our sweet friends to see the Grand Canyon. It was worth the extra 3 hours of driving!! Not only was the company great, but we got to see one of God's breathtaking beauties.

As we drove the rest of the way into Las Vegas today, seeing all the rocky formations made me turn introspective. When I look at these beautiful creations, I can't help but believe there is a God. I can't help but believe He created all things. It all adds up to me; and I am so thankful I get to be on this earth to enjoy such wonders.

There is beauty in unexpected things.

Love is Hairy

Rich came home with news that a friend from back home unexpectedly lost his wife to a sudden illness. Our hearts mutually broke. I don't know the guy or his family, but I haven't been able to stop myself from saying silent prayers for them, and counting my blessings to have my family all intact.

Marriage is a blessing- even including all the trials. It is the ultimate fulfillment to share yourself 100% with the person who makes you feel complete. You share the ups and the downs; the in betweens and the I-don't-knows. You share the victorious moments, and the glum doldrums.

It can be scary and tricky to give yourself so completely to someone. True love takes work and practice. It's hard refining yourself to think the best of your spouse; especially when the world programs us to think the worst.

Love is hairy. I've seen seasoned vets still practicing how to do it right. It gives me inspiration to never stop trying to show my spouse how much I love him.

Tragic news is a good reminder to love better. It's a good time to evaluate actions, intentions, and goals. It's a good time to break out that photo album, reminisce, and make out like hormonally driven teenagers ;) I feel a little silly writing that... But it's true! I don't want to forget what those lips feel like against mine; I want my adoration, love, and complete fidelity to spill out of each long smooch.

It is a rich blessing to me to be married to such a wonderful person. He fills my life with flavor and interest. I've come to depend on him for my happiness and sanity. We've had time to see each other at our weakest moments- individually and as a couple; and we've had time to see each other at our highest peeks- individually and as a couple. I'm glad love is work. I'm glad it requires something of myself to draw us close together: it's a long term investment that way.

Tonight, I'm counting my blessings and finding my husband at the top of my chart :)

Time Out

Motherhood makes real the demands of children. It's easy to get frustrated, overwhelmed and exhausted. It's hard to remember patience, especially when you're low on sleep and have a cranky baby.

Rich and I have been talking a lot about what a special trust it is to be parents. The future of our children is largely dictated by the experiences they have under our care and the examples we set for them. It can be intimidating to think that I have that much influence over someone whom I love so much. It is indeed humbling.

A lot of motherhood requires the self control and self awareness to realize when a situation vs a person is bothering you, and the awareness that your perspective isn't the only one to take into account. Personally, I've come to the conclusion that "mommy time-outs" are the best!

Sometimes I get so caught up in my own frustrations, that I need to take a break (even 30 seconds) away from whatever is bothering me and just breathe. It has saved me countless times from being a bad mommy, or an off the hinge nut-case.

William has been extremely clingy lately. I've resigned to the fact that I am a human jungle gym for the next while, until he enters a new stage.

Yesterday was my breaking day. We are in the middle of a move, I was extra exhausted, and we started the day off whiney and clingy. I had no juice in my box; no gas in my tank. Yet my baby required premium and 100%, no sugar added. Perfect combination.

As I battled my fatigue and irritation, I prayed to be able to meet William's needs. I prayed to be a good mommy and to be blessed with inspiration to know how to help my baby.

My prayer gave me the strength to get through the day; although it didn't turn it into sunshine and roses. I busted out my trusty baby book and sought answers to returning my happy baby and personal sanity. I found a few helpful tips, took several mommy time-outs, and with the help of my hubby we ended the day with all of us exhausted and needy.

Today I wanted to be different. I decided to focus more on Will's curiosity, so I described everything I was doing in our morning routine. I preempted Will's whining that always begins when I get myself breakfast, and placed him in his high chair with a yummy cracker. I ate in peace!! I cleaned him up, talked to him, and then set him down with NO crying (hooray!!)

This was a simple morning, but it filled me with joy and relief. It felt like a merciful answer to my prayers. I know Will's whininess will come and go, but today I just needed a win. I needed a successful morning to kick off my day. I'm so grateful I was blessed with it. It made sneaking in and finding my bear all snug and conked out that much more fulfilling and heart warming.

I love being a mommy, hard times and all.

Little Evidences

The end of the day can be relieving some days. It's a nice time for me to get things done and have some R&R. Often times the last thing I want to do is clean, but more often than not it's exactly what I need to do in order to keep my house from looking like a disaster zone.

Much of my cleaning now encompasses activities done with William throughout the day.

Since he was born eight months ago, I haven't stopped feeling that warm pride surge in my heart when I look about my house and see the small evidences that he's in my life. The once pile of books now scattered across the floor, the broken candle stick I didn't put away before he found it, the poopy diapers that need to be placed in the toxic waste basket (aka dumpster), the necklace coated in drool because it was the one thing to keep him happy and interested.

Tonight while getting ready for bed, I looked into our tub to see his toys and bath soap laying exactly where he had left them, his toys in a heaping mess by the couch, his bib laying on his high chair tray; I felt my heart melt all over.

I often wonder how I'm so lucky. How did I get to be the mother of such a sweet boy? My heart thrills at the blessing it is to be a mother, messes and all.

It's easy to get caught up in the mundane monotony of life, but if I wasn't here at the end of the day cleaning up these messes, what else would I be doing, and what miracles would I be missing out on?

I love the evidences that I am a mother. I love the slew of toys sitting on my living room floor. I love the messy bib sitting on the tray waiting to be cleaned. I love the books riddled with rhymes and silly pictures.

Most of all I love the baby who plays with the toys. I love the baby who smears the food on the crafted bib. I love the baby who reaches for the books with the silly pictures and rhymes.

I love the baby who made me a mother, who fills my life with hope, joy, and purpose.

My heart is smitten.

A New Opportunity

Since Rich started working on wind turbines almost a year ago I've experienced a lot of change in my perspective. I've met some incredible people and created fond memories in places I never heard of until living there.
I've realized that my husband isn't the only husband out there that sacrifices extensive time and energy to put food on his family's table, that I'm not the only person out there who is in constant need of a friend and positive encouragement, and that good things can be found in the most unattractive places.
I've learned how to love a group of people I hardly know, but whom the Lord has asked me to serve. I've learned that kindness goes a long way, and that judgement is not mine to make (no matter how much I imperfectly want to pass it).
I've learned how to trust in the Lord and His timing. I've learned that He hears the righteous desires of our hearts, and compassionately answers them in His due time. I've learned the power of family and staying true to covenants made with God.
They've been taught to me in very unique, sometimes subtle, sometimes painful ways.
We have been praying hard for our priorities to be focused on the right things, for us to accept God's will, and for the opportunity to present itself for us to be able to have more family time. That prayer has been so mercifully heard. Rich has been offered a job that will not only give us more time as a family, but will place us closer to our families on the west coast! We feel graciously blessed and thrilled beyond explanation! We can hardly wait to move out to the Las Vegas, NV area and make it out new home for years to come.
There is joy to be found in the journey and dreams to be dreamt along the way. We are only beginning our journey, but feel it being guided by our dreams, priorities, and God.

The Modern Mom

Being a mom is far more exciting and fulfilling than I could have possibly imagined!  I love being able to be the one who gets to snuggle my little boy, see his smiling face as he wakes up from sleeping, and do endless things to see his face light up.  With that being said, I find that there are so many things that distract me from really engaging with my boy.  My intentions are those good motherly take-care-of-your-child ones, and yet I find myself spending too much time on things like facebook and pinterest because I am at a blank as to what else to do.  William is still really young and so I'm not exactly sure what all to do with him throughout the day?  We have our somewhat daily routines, tummy time, pacing the house holding him so he can see things, showing him toys, letting him suck on my fingers (because they're sooo much tastier than his own ;)), feeds and naps, but at the end of the day I still feel like I wish I could have done more with/for him.  Maybe if you're a mom you could throw some suggestions my way on some things to do with my 3 month old.  I just want to make sure that I'm spending my time plugged into the right things, especially my baby boy.  I only get one shot at raising him, and I want to make the most of it.

On another note, completely unrelated to what to do with my 3 month old, I'm going to take a second to vent.  I am a firm believer in taking care of my body.  I'm also a firm believer that there is WAY too much garbage that goes around these days trying to influence how us women see ourselves.  I'm a pinner and I really love all the fun ideas I get from different people and sites... all except for the nasty images that get pinned- the ones that show a picture of a deathly skinny girl in barely any clothes and the caption reads something like, "flatten your belly!" or worse, women's comments like, "I want to look like this!"  I'll be completely honest, such comments make me mad! I want to smack people upside the heads and say, "WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH HAVING A NORMAL HEALTHY, NOT-DEATHLY-SKINNY BODY?!"  I've never been one that's heavy, but I certainly don't fall under the category of being overly skinny- and I don't want to!  I'm thankful for the "thick" or "muscular" thighs I've been blessed with, and I'm thankful for a stomach that has changed so that I could have my beautiful baby boy.  I love working out because it makes me feel happy that I am taking time for myself, relieving stress, and giving myself a realistic personal challenge, NOT because I want to be the next twig photographed in almost no clothing.  I think there is something to be said about being able to accept what you've been given and work with it instead of trying to achieve the gross images of women that most women never will look like unless they do very unhealthy things to themselves.  I'm grateful for my body, and grateful for the things it lets me do.  I'm changing my mind on work outs and am now doing it for ME to challenge MYSELF against MYSELF, not  against anyone else be they friend, family, or picture.  I'm not saying it's bad to push yourself to achieve certain health goals, I'm saying to make them ones that are realistic for YOU and YOUR time of life.  There's a whole lot of self dislike that can be avoided, I think, if we choose to work with what we've got and be grateful for the little accomplishments we achieve every day as we hit the ground running.

There... I'm done... I feel better :)

Testimony

Very early Sunday morning I received sobering news via text message that a dear friend of mine from high school and seminary committed suicide... My heart broke to read those words.  He was a wonderfully talented, kind person who in recent months I'd been telling my husband about.  Since receiving the news, I've had time to deeply ponder and turn to my Heavenly Father in prayer.  My heart has found comfort in knowing that our Heavenly Father understands things far better than we do.  He knows completely all the thoughts, feelings, and intents of our hearts.  He understands the limitations we have, our struggles, and our deep desires for good despite our falling short.  I am endlessly grateful for a Savior who has atoned for much more than just our sins.  The compassionate strength that is available from the atonement blows me away at times.  I am endlessly grateful to have such power available to me, and endlessly grateful that my Savior chose to complete such a daunting task so that I, as well as all mankind, can find pure relief from pain and suffering.  I know that there is angelic healing and comfort that can enter our lives, I've experienced it in very personal ways.  Most of all, I know that somewhere in the vast expanse of space and universe, I have a God who knows and loves me, and who is far closer to me than I can possibly realize.